Saturday 20 September 2014

(DA) Excerpt

This is a small excerpt that I'm quite happy with. I wrote it on the subway yesterday. 

It's a confrontation between two characters that spend a lot of time together (because of a mutual friend) but do not get along with each other. They are on a long trip and their mutual dislike comes to a head. 

Here's a little sample of what I'm working on. 


***

"Stop moving." Breena scolded as she re positioned the bandage around Bret's leg. "You'll never heal if you keep moving and ripping this open. You need to stay still. Triss, pass me another bandage." The blond hopped down from the cart carrying the small care kit and rushed to help the Sorceress. 

Bret crossed his arms stubbornly. "I am staying still! I barely move! If I'm moving it's because she's jostling the cart too much!" He pointed one finger across the evening's fire pit at Jane as she supervised the grazing horses. 

"Excuse me?" Jane turned on Bret shrill as ever. "Don't blame me for your miserable leg! Carts rattle, roads are uneven. It's not like I'm in charge of the road we're taking!"

"You're in such a rush!"

"My brother is missing!" Jane raced across the camp at Bret, lying by the fire, Breena still tending to his injured leg. Her chest heaved as she yelled, "My father is missing! Triss' mother is missing! I'm rushing for them, or have you forgotten because your family is safe at home?" The firelight reflected in her dark round eyes. Her height and muscular physique were normally intimidating; the darkness and her rage did nothing to lessen the effect. "Why are you even here Bret?" 

His eyes flicked momentarily to the young woman kneeling by the Sorceress bandaging his leg before looking back to Jane. "I wanted to make sure you were all safe." 

Jane's hands found her hips. "How were you planning on doing that from the back of the waggon? I'd love to see your heroics if those monsters come back for us!" 

"Jane that's enough/" Breena cautioned as she finished fastening the bandage. "He's injured because of those monsters. Because he was trying to save us from them." 

Jane scoffed. "Good job." 

"Jane, I said enough!" Breena turned away from Bret's leg and glared at Jane. 

"Breena it's fine. She obviously has a lot to get off her chest." 

"Ha! Playing the good guy again? Should I thank you for letting me continue to express myself? Should I thank you for trying to save us from that attack, or should I thank you for pretending to be a hero, insisting on coming along when you can't even walk and becoming a burden on us because of a ridiculously hopeless crush!"

Bret's cheeks went slightly pink, but he did not release Jane's gaze as she continued. 

"Or have you forgotten? The last time you touched her she screamed and ran away from you! If you want me to thank you for anything, then stop pretending you're a hero and admit why you're really here!"

Breena stood abruptly, holding out a hand to stop Jane's pacing. "Jane, go for a walk." 

"Why?" Jane spat back. 

Breena's voice was quiet but seemed to stifle the noises around the camp. Even the fire's crackle was muted when she spoke. "Because he can't, and if you don't, then you and I will have a fight. And you will lose." 

Leather boots shuffled in the grass as Jane contemplated whether she wanted to fight the Sorceress. Ignoring Bret completely, Jane stomped away into the woods.

Bret looked around the site to apologize to Triss; the innocent bystander to the confrontation, and found the site empty except for himself and Breena. Unsteadily he got to his feet, "Where's Triss?" 

***

I know it's out of context. But I'm really excited about it!

-Brandolyn


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