A Glimpse into the Brain of an Overworked Student

Everyone can relate to the nagging pain of a headache. Most people can even relate to the pressure of Tension Headaches; felt building up in the temples and behind the eyes like a very out of place volcano.But, very few people I know can relate to the pressure felt behind the eyes as faulty T-Cells attack the optic nerve.

This is a whole different kind of headache. Specifically, a stressed induced one.

Around this time of year, while people are busy running over each other in shopping centres and covering the house in lights and tinsel, other people worry about the year end budget at work, cramming for their final exams, getting frazzled over prolonged transit strikes (YRT, I mean you) or simply worrying how the snow will affect their morning commute, I am seriously studying my brain activity. Oddly enough I can do this without the use of diodes, and computer monitors.

With impending exams and patrons flooding through the doors at work like Black Friday shoppers my stress levels are at their highest, but that is not what keeps me up at night. Work, school and the weather are minor concerns for me at the moment.The winter months are hardest on most people with Multiple Sclerosis, and I am no exception. As the Sun starts to hibernate with the first frosts of winter, so does my major source of Vitamin D. Forced indoors by inclement weather, it is difficult for me to get enough vitamins, even with the assistance of supplements. As a result (and frankly, I'm not sure exactly how) my Vitamin deficiency grows, and my health starts to deteriorate.

This is not to say I am unhealthy, or that the moment the Sun goes down I turn into an infirm version of a werewolf; healthy by day, sickly by night. No. Everything is circumstantial, and the only reason I have noticed a trend is because all the major stresses of adolescence seem to culminate at the same time; snowy, cold, dark weather co-insides with exams, works' busy season AND with the increased pressure to impress; plan parties, shop for the perfect gifts and bake delicacies you only attempt once a year.

I try to let all that go. I will stress about exams, assignment due dates and appointments, but the moment I feel a twitch, or a shock; exactly like the one you feel every time you reach out to touch a doorknob after a  dry day spent in stocking feet, or the ever threatening burning pain behind the eyes, I re-assess my priorities. I said I study my brain activity, and truthfully it's more studying the activity in my brain. I can feel when meylin sheaths are being worn away by T-cells mistaking them for viruses.

When the meylin sheaths that coat every nerve in my body get worn away it causes a "gap" in the smooth pathway used to transmit signals across my body. Think of it as insulated wires with cut and slashes in the insulation. Obviously there will be problems around the uninsulated parts of the wire, sometimes a spark. Well, it is the same with nerves. I can feel the spark, or shock when a message in sent over faulty wiring in my brain and these are my signals to SLOW DOWN.

I wish I could say I was smart enough to know when to slow down on my own, but I'm not. I'm determined and stubborn and literally need a pinch to force me to relax. Actually, truth be told, I'm quite glad for it, otherwise I'm sure I would never stop working or studying and my poor boyfriend would never see me.
 
So sorry school! Sorry work! Sorry holiday shoppers. Today is a "me" day. It is a day needed to forget the stresses of the outside world, to forget how many more words are left to be written in an assignment and a day to forget to check my emails.

Today I will sleep in, I will shower, prepare a delicious cheese omelet for breakfast (with chocolate milk) and I will write. Sorry again to my parents, family members, bosses and teachers but I will not be writing the last 100 words of my essay, instead I will follow the theme of the day and I will be writing for me. I may write another blog, perhaps about the serious lack of polar bears in the Arctic, or perhaps about why cats seem to always sit on the one person in the room who is not desperate for feline affection, or I could finish another 10,000 words of my manuscript, whatever I feel like writing.

Only in the world of rhetoric and prose can I pull myself far enough away from the winter stresses to relax and give my body time to heal. Now, it doesn't always help but I "think" it does, and really, a placebo can't hurt. Through my writing I leave my rebelling body and enter a world where every foe can be vanquished with a sword, bow or magical incantation. In my stories I enter worlds where perseverance always comes through and where any goal you set for yourself is attainable; even if it it as far fetched as playing Quidditch on Mars, in space suits, riding dragons instead of brooms. When I write I have no limitations either in character or creatively- it is a most liberating feeling, and that feeling lives on after I put down my pen.

Tomorrow I will return to my studies (a day behind in my predetermined study plan) and the stresses of the world, but for today I will be happy knowing I am doing what I need to in order to keep going at the prescribed pace of the holiday season. I can do it, and will continue forward, I just need to take a few extra steps to get me to the finish line.

This is not a sprint, and as everyone runs past me to the beat of Jingle Bells; the pompoms of their holiday hats bouncing and their sequined scarves billowing behind them, I cannot help thinking that you do not have to have MS to take a day, or even just an hour for yourself. Sit back, relax and refresh. Read a book, draw a doodle, or make a call to someone you've been meaning to call for ages, and can never find the time.

It's alright. The world won't implode on itself if you pamper of yourself for a bit, otherwise there would be a natural disaster everytime someone eats a Kit Kat bar. On the contrary, in most cases you'll return to work happier and more productive, and maybe you will even discover a way to save the world from Global Warming.

Take it from me. Save the planet. Take a break.

-B

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