Feels odd

Tonight's the first night I don't have to write a blog post for Dueling Amateurs and it feels "odd".

I bet I keep writing at regular intervals. I'll miss blogging too much if I don't- but unlike tonight- I'll mostly post when I have something interesting to say.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Finish Line

Tonight  complete a challenge I set one year ago.
Tonight I complete a goal.

Tonight I cross the finish line.

Duelling Amateurs started February 11th 2014, between myself, my husband Jason and our friend Alex. We wanted to improve our writing and by spending time every day for a year,  have definitely accomplished that goal.

I don't think any of us actually posted every single day this past year; I know I had some late posts and missed a couple days all together, but my personal goal was to write every day, not to post every day, and I can comfortably say that I had a pen in my hand, and wrote something every single day for the last 365 days.

I have learned a lot about my own writing style; what is comfortable, what is challenging, what I like to write about, but I'm actually surprised that what I feel I got most out of the challenge was about my fellow writers. I learned so much more about them, how their minds work, and their approach to challenges and conflict. I learned how they express themselves and how they learn and develop.

To Jason and Alex: I struggled many times this year to keep going and to stay focused on why we were doing this, and you both inspired and helped me to keep going. It was an absolute pleasure and I am so grateful to have taken this journey of learning and discovery with you both.

I am blessed to have you two in my life.

Here's to the next adventure!

-Brandolyn

(DA) So Close

With the final day of the Duelling Amateurs challenge approaching, I'm finding myself at a crossroad emotionally. 

On the one side of the road, I am excited not to have the "Daily Post" looming overhead on days when I don't feel overly creative, but on the other road, I am really going to miss the challenge. 

I feel like my blogging hasn't improved very much, but my writing and productivity has skyrocketed. I have never been this close to finishing one of my books or so proud of the quality of my work. 

I have doubled the number of short stories I write in a year, and almost completed my manuscript AND been writing reviews for Television and Film. 

I'm quite proud of all of the written work I have produced during Duelling Amateurs and I am going to have to be very conscious not to let that productivity slip. 

-Brandolyn

(DA) Fairy Tales

I have always had a fondness for Fairy Tales.

I love Disney movies, and stories about princesses and evil witches.

I even wrote a story/ play when I was in grade school that combined every Fairy Tale I could think of.

And when I was young, there was a show called "The 10th Kingdom" that aired an hour at a time on Sunday evenings, and my sister and I would wait all weekend for it to come on. (I still love that show.) We would sit in our grandparent's living room, cuddled on the couch with a warm blanket and one or two of the cats and watch. The 10th Kingdom was a unique show that combined traditional Fairy Tales and unique story elements to create a SUPER FAIRY TALE.

And recently, ABC has created a show called 'ONCE Upon a Time'. Which is very similar in the way that it brings Fairy Tales to the real world and develops wonderfully imaginative story lines for them. An added bonus for me is that on top of being a great show, ONCE has one of the best musical scores on television.

When I'm writing I often have the ONCE scores playing in the background.

THIS is a personal favourite.

And today it seems to be inspiring me to get past the Writer's Block I was struggling with yesterday.

-Brandolyn

(DA) New chapter struggles

Currently I am struggling through writing a chapter in my novel which I have been very excited to re write.

The problem I am having is that since I have re-written the whole story so far, I have drastically changed many aspects in order to 'mature the story' for an older audience. And now, the chapter I thought I was writing is almost unrecognizable.

So now I am writing something for the first time and I have expectations of what I want from the chapter but am unsure how to get there.

So, I'm going to go continue struggling with my notebook and sketchbook and hopefully pump out a few thousand words tonight.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Service Industry

I never actually realized that none of my friends have ever been servers or bartenders.

I feel like that's weird. But then I think back to High School and I was one of the few who were employed.

Now that I've graduated University, I expected to be working a fancy job in my field, not waiting tables. Regardless of my expectations, I am really enjoying my experiences so far in the service industry. My biggest struggle is that I have no one who can relate to my stories, or who can give me tips and tricks from years of experience.

Until tonight.

Jason and I had dinner with friends of his from his post-grad, and Jason ended up being the only one at the table who wasn't currently, (and had never been) a server; although he has worked for a fast food joint.

I felt completely understood at this table when I was explaining my stressors, challenges and perceived weaknesses.

I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders when they nodded along with my stories and gave me advice about how to handle situations in the future. Apparently I am NOT the only person who is afraid of spilling a drink on a guest!

-Brandolyn

(DA) "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

This was my topic challenge, and I've debated with myself about how I am going to answer it.

When I was little I wanted to be a Dinosaur when I grew up. Or a Veterinarian, and more recently an actor or a Police Officer.

When I think about it now, I feel like I am grown up, and I haven't achieved any of those 'goals'. The question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" has a 'not so subtle' singular finality to it, as if to say that you can only be one thing.

But I'm not just one thing. If I look at myself; as the grown-up I am, I would say that I am a story teller.

I am a wife, a sister, a daughter. a friend, a confidante, and a story teller. Whether I do it out loud, in writing or through images and drawings. I tell stories.

I think the question that we ask young generations should not be "What do you want to be when you grow up?" but "What do you want to try next?"

I may know what I am at the moment, but I haven't tried enough to know What I want to be yet.

Maybe by the time I have grandchildren I`ll have an answer to that question.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Courage

I have been told I'm courageous.

"You have a Disease and never complain about it. That's courage."

"You're so brave! You wake up every day and act like nothing's wrong."

"Even when you're sick, you're strong and determined."

Well, I disagree.

I'm not courageous.

Someone who's courageous would talk about their issues. I avoid them.

Someone who's courageous would accept help. I deny it.

Someone who's courageous wouldn't hide behind a smile. Sometimes I smile so wide my cheeks hurt.

I am not courageous. I am stubborn, which means sometimes I have to I force myself out of bed, and force myself to eat. I'm determined to do the things I 'should' be doing- like a normal person, so that I appear not to have MS. And if I appear not to have MS, then maybe I'll forget about it for a while. And maybe, just for a minute, I'll feel okay.

The only way I know how to talk about my issues is in writing. The only way I can express my darkest fears is by writing characters to face them in my place. I create fictions and fantasies to cope, therefore removing myself from the situation almost completely.

That is not bravery.

Nor is it cowardice; it's a step in the right direction.

One day I believe I will be courageous. One day I will be able to lead others toward coping, healing and answers with my spoken voice. Until then, I will write others to do it for me.

-Brandolyn

 Thanks for the topic challenge Alex. Tomorrow, let's write about "What you want to be when you grow up."

(DA) Cold Weather

For the next few days the Duelling Amateurs are challenging each other to write about specific topic in an effort to help motivate us to the end of our year of writing.

We've all hit obstacles and road blocks which have prevented us from posting every day (I'm still journaling and posting online when I get time). Tonight's challenge was decided by Jason and is 'Cold Weather',

So here goes nothing.

***
It's when the weather is bleak, blustery and in the negative double digits that I envy bears. The heavy pelt, bulky physique and general 'hunt-ability' of bears doesn't offer much else of which to be envious.

When the air hurts my face, my nose drips like the broken tap in my old apartment, and the wind makes my eyes water; eventually freezing the tears in my eyelashes essentially freezing my eyes shut, I want to turn around, go home, bury myself in layers of blankets and sleep until the Sun comes back.

But there's a beauty that bears miss while they're asleep. They miss the infinite shapes of snowflakes as they land on mittens, and the sight of early morning sunlight sparkling off of a field of snow. Bears miss the awe of seeing rabbit tracks winding around the front yard, and delightful sound of ice cracking underfoot in frozen puddles on the sidewalk.

Bears don't get to hike in the forest when it is painted white, and drizzled with icicles. They don't get to build forts, or snowmen, or have battles on the playground waged with snow. Or to look at their partner's rosy cheeks after a walk with the dog.

They may get to sleep away the cold, miserable moments of winter, but bears don't get to threaten to put cold hands on their partner's warm neck, or watch longingly at the light on the kettle waiting for it to boil before pouring two cups of hot chocolate.

And although I envy the idea of hiding and waiting out the worst of the cold weather storms, I wouldn't want to give up the rest. Winter is a time for skiing, skating, snowshoeing, hiking, hot chocolate, snuggles by the fire place, fuzzy pyjamas, mistletoe, sugar cookies, candles, rosy cheeks and frozen toes, and the time of year when I discover that no matter how cold it is outside, with Jason by my side, I'm warmer than ever.


***

Tomorrow's challenge was decided by Alex and is "Courage".

-Brandolyn

(DA) Goodnight Bean

Between moving day, the Alan Doyle concert, and Oma and Opa's Anniversary, I barely had time to sit down and breathe. But after the concert on Saturday, we all came home and spent some time snuggling the pets.

Logan; as always was bouncing off the walls, Washburn was wondering from person to person getting pats, and Kaylee was snuggled on Jess' lap getting some much needed affection. She'd been sick and was not feeling very well at all.

Well, over night she passed away; I choose to believe it was peacefully in her sleep. She got her last cuddles surrounded by family, and then felt comfortable enough to let go and stop suffering.

Goodnight little Bean. You were a great cat; you totally won over Jason (a man who never liked cats) and we will all miss you.

Little Kaylee Bean,

'Take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand. I don't care I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me. Take me out to the black, tell them I ain't coming back. Burn the land, boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me. There's no place I can be, since I found Serenity. You can't take the sky from me.' 

Washburn will miss you too little one.

Kaylee keeping an eye open while young Washburn sleeps

-Brandolyn

(DA) Diamond Anniversary

60 years marks a 'Diamond Anniversary', and this weekend Jason's Oma and Opa reached this milestone. 

They have been married for 60 years. They have 4 amazing children, and 16 (I think) grandchildren, with 2 great grandchildren. 

Their love and dedication to each other is a shining example of what a partnership should strive to be. 

Their family has had many obstacles leading up to this celebration; and there was a while we didn't think Opa would make it to today. But he was determined to get out of the hospital and deliver a speech and flowers for his wife of 60 years. And he did, and it was beautiful. 

The day; although packed with snow and treacherous driving, was exactly what they wanted, surrounded by loved ones, friends and family, with a mass to bless their marriage, and a delicious meal shared on diamond covered table cloths. 

Congratulations Oma and Opa. You are a constant inspiration to Jason and I, and we were thrilled to share this day with you. 

-Brandolyn