(DA) Straight vs Winding Roads

Straight roads are frightening. Standing in the middle of them you can look up the road and feel like you are seeing out to forever. Although there are no surprises to be seen, the near infinity of the road is intimidating.

Rounded roads are better. They are exciting. You never know what's awaiting around the next corner.

It's interesting to me that I feel that way because I think of -most of- my writing as a winding road. Usually I don't write outlines. I agree that's generally a bad thing, outlines can make writing linear, but writing without an outline is so EXCITING! Although I don't often use an outline, I do have ideas of where I want a story to go and how I want to get there.

Without a detailed outline I have no idea where my imagination is going to take me, and that journey is as much fun to write as I hope it is to read. I can just sit back and watch a story unfold before me. Sometimes it doesn't work out, contradiction and plot holes, but sometimes it works out very well. And sometimes the parts I agonize over in my writing, and try to perfect end up being less well received as the writing I don't over think.

Example: The last chapter of "The Woman Returns". I spent weeks re-reading and editing, trying to wrap up the story well, but no matter what I wrote it just didn't seem to live up to everything that I had written previously, but I had people waiting anxiously for the last chapter so I published it anyway. Admittedly, not a good choice. And now, I've received no feedback from the fans who were begging me for the last chapter. That doesn't feel very good. Kind of like coming around a corner and seeing a brick wall. It's a surprise, but what can you do? I made a choice and I'll live with it.

-Brandolyn

(DA) I love my job

One of my jobs is "manager" of a Squash Club, which means every day I get the pleasure of going in to work to watch adults enjoying a sport with the same youthful indulgence as a kid in a candy store. 

They wait in line to get on court during round robin nights, and look to each other eagerly wanting to go on court when it's they're turn. They look around to make sure they aren't taking someone's spot, then jump on court excited to play. 

This is especially predominant on the doubles squash court. Tonight I witnessed a player walk off court and 3 people jump up to take his place. Everyone was very civilized as they decided who would go on next, but it's next to sadness when someone has to sit out several rounds. 

Actually, it's even worse when members hear laughter on the doubles court and rush over to see if they can join in the fun and are told they can't because they are playing a tournament match. -I've seen people wait, even up to an hour in the hopes that people will still want to play once their match has finished- 

This job is so full of wonder! The members love the sport, they are dedicated to the club and they respect each other so much that every game is fun! I don't belong to any other clubs, but I rarely see so much camaraderie in a competitive sport. 

Spectators/ members are cheering, hooting hollering, players are laughing, teasing and joking. It's lovely. 

I always go home with a smile on my face; it'd be hard not to in that environment. And that makes the job so so worth it!

-Brandolyn

(DA) Kind of Ironic Timing

So I was recently in a hair show, and despite my "I'm Lazy and that's good for my ego" post, I have never disliked a colour treatment on my own head as badly as I disliked this one.

The stylists and colourists were very excited for it, but I wasn't.

I didn't hate it enough to wear a hat in public or anything, I just thought it was very bland, and dark. It washed me out and I was disappointed because when I do hair shows and model new cuts and colours I often get paired with very trendy and bright colours.

It was a change, and one I wasn't enthusiastic about, but it didn't prevent me from doing my job.

At the end of the day the hair cut I got was fabulous! I'm still not a fan of the colour, but I absolutely love the cut.

Check out a few photos from my day:

1st look at the colour...

no make up

1/2 make up

Post show shameless selfie

post show shameless selfie 2

Me and the girls!

We had a great day. Exhausting but super fun! And I almost finished a book I started this morning. YAY.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Fiction Story about Awesome Jason

I didn't know what to write today, so my hubby suggested I write some Fiction about how awesome he is. 

I'd love to laugh at the idea, but to be realistic, he is one of the men in my life I base my fictional male characters off of. His charm, his looks, his jokes, quirks, dedication, attention span, vast interests, loyalty, devotion, motivation, temper, short fuse, understanding etc... He inspires the male leads of my stories. Each of my characters have different characteristics I see in him. Some characters have the exact opposite characteristics, but I still base how I write it off of him and my experiences with him. 

So when Jason asks me to write some Fiction about him, I can easily say: I have. It's not really a challenge anymore. I love to do it, and perhaps one day (knowing that many of my male leads have Jason traits) if you know Jason, you might read a passage like: 

He raised his glass high, and avoiding spilling even with a shaking hand started to hum along to the tune being plucked on the mandolin beside him. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open as his beer addled brain recognized the tune the bard was playing. His mouth opened wide as he shouted the lyrics across the tavern, shocking the bar maid serving a few tables away. Surprisingly he carried the tune along with the bard, his deep rasping voice reminiscent of the tales of pirates singing seas shanties as they sailed the high seas. 

 and say "Hey! Jason sings like a pirate!" 

OR

As he walked down the street away from the farm, a rectangular bale of hay hoisted over one arm, the women in the street smiled politely as he approached. He bowed his head politely, and flashed his white smile flirtatiously as he passed. Girls would giggle and look away, or roll their eyes at him and wave him away, but what he didn't see was how they all stopped as he passed, to admire the sight of his retreat. The baggy work pants he wore were not enough to deter looks or to hide the firmness and round shape of his buttocks. When they finally returned to their business, most of the woman's cheeks were a great deal more pink than they had been before he passed. 

and say "Hmm, Jason has a nice bum..." (or maybe you've never noticed, and that's OK too)

-Brandolyn

I bet Jason never thought I'd write about his bum when he asked me to write about him! (But I got the OK before I posted it)

(DA) I'm Lazy

I'm lazy, but I'm pretty sure that's good for my ego.

I know it sounds weird but I went to a work out class the other day and didn't even realize until I got home that I hadn't shaved my legs in a couple weeks (enter: "I'm lazy"). I laughed at myself when I realized this, but it didn't go any further into self-deprecation than "I wonder what the other ladies thought of my hairy legs? Hahaha!"

I never realized how focused people are on their looks (even if other people can't see it) until I heard a girl in University say "Oh, I shave my legs every morning! Even if I'm wearing jeans." or "I can't bear to leave the house without makeup." I realized then that I didn't have that kind of dedication to my appearance; some days I barely comb my hair before I leave the house.

Don't get me wrong, I shower, brush my teeth and put on deodorant before I go out, but some days I'm perfectly content not to wear any make up, or even bother to colour co-ordinate my clothes. Some days I like to get dressed up, or spend more time on my appearance, but the days that I don't do not affect my feeling of self worth.

I am confident enough in myself that I can leave the house without make up, or blow drying my hair. I can go for a run without shaving my legs and I can wear a silly hat or costume out in public and feel perfectly comfortable with myself.

I'm lazy, I'm silly, I'm a bit odd,
and I love it.

-Brandolyn

(DA) I can't finish anyth...

Today I must have started at least 2 short stories, 1 poem and a bunch of story outlines, but because all that work was done in my head as I walked to work, or walked the dog, I have no record of it. And now that I'm sitting down to remember my ideas, I'm drawing a blank.

I know I had two stories: 1 is a collection of "A Day in the Life" snippets for my Sherlock Holmes stories and the other was a short story about a young woman who thinks she has super powers because she feels invisible in a crowd.

I can't remember a thing about the poem.

The story outlines were short and simple, I'll be able to reconstruct them fairly easily.

Before I sat down to do my writing tonight I felt like I had had a very creative and productive day, but now I have nothing to show for it. That's very disappointing. Now I'll have to start back at square 1.

-Brandolyn

Note to self: Bring a note book on walks. Or get an audio recorder!

(DA) The Woman returns. Chapter 8

This is the final chapter of The Woman Returns (unless I get any requests for an Epilogue).

Please view it HERE.

If you've read these stories, what do you think? Do the characters feel realistic? Tangible? Relate-able? How do they compare to their TV selves?

Comments, critiques and constructive criticism welcome!

-Brandolyn

(DA) Do you ever...

Do you ever,

open your eyes in the morning and wish for 5 more minutes of sleep?

Everyday.

Do you ever,

forget to brush your teeth and barter with strangers for a stick of gum?

It's happened.

Do you ever,

forget it's garbage day, and race out to the curb just in time and feel like you've just won the Grand Prix?

I win a medal every week.

Do you ever,

finish the last page of a book and wish it hadn't ended?

Yes. All the time.

Do you ever,

work your hardest and wish someone would notice?

Almost every day.

Do you ever,

see someone in need and ignore them?

Yes. Not often, but yes. And it haunts me every time. 

-Brandolyn

What are your "Do you ever...?" questions?

(DA) My statue

In my mind forest, the wilderness retreat in my head, there is a statue. Every so often I stumble upon it in my travels. She appears exactly the same in one of my novels. My characters find the same wonder and comfort in her as I do.

A solo figure; sitting hugging one knee to her chest, her head bowed, I can only call her "Her". Carved of granite the statue is so old, I can't remember why it was commissioned. The plaque that once held her purpose has eroded away. Moss and lichen cling to her clothes and her hair, giving her face extra shadows in the setting sun. Her posture is sad, but the wings at her back wrap around her body and beckon me forward. Despite the age of the statue, the feathered wings are still remarkably detailed. Each feather was meticulously carved in to the stone. The feathers give "Her" warmth, they make her delicate and gentle, despite the rough, cold touch of the granite. 

I can sit at her feet, snuggled between her body and her wings, sheltered from wind, rain and cold. I can fall asleep there, comforted by "Her."

The statue is often a symbol of comfort for my characters, and although I know "her" back story, I still find the same comfort when I run in to her in the retreat of my mind forest. Sometimes, like today, I say hi to her as I continue to walk by, and other days I sit against the statue's base and think and on particularly cold night's I have sought refuge in her arms.

-Brandolyn

(DA) A Correlation between Sleep and Productivity?

Last night I had my first good night's sleep in a few weeks.

I dreamt a lot, and got woken up a few times BUT I was able to sleep in until 8:30am, which gave me about 7-7.5 hours of sleep and I woke up feeling amazing.

I was refreshed, ready for what turned out to be a VERY productive day.

I woke up and immediately took the dog for a long walk. Then after a quick breakfast, I cleaned the kitchen, tidied the apartment, made lunch, did laundry, walked the dog again, did some reading, cleaned some more, and took a half hour to watch a TV show, before making dinner and leaving for work; and working my first solo server shift (which went very well!).

By the time I got home and walked the dog again I was exhausted, but I haven't felt like I've had this productive of a day in a long time. It felt amazing.

I hope I can continue to sleep well, so that I can continue to be as productive as I was today.

(DA) So tired

Everything I do lately makes me exhausted. 

No matter what I do during the day 8:00 pm hits and I'm done. I don't know why, but the moment I get home all I want to do is curl up in bed, grab my blanket and snooze. 

I'd rather come home, do some writing, reading, play some board games with Jason, walk the dog, make dinner, maybe watch a movie then go to sleep. But lately I've been too tired to do any of that, which I find depressing. 

I've got a lot of things I'd like to do, so maybe I should pick up the Kindergarten idea of "nap time" to compensate for how tired I am and so that I can keep up with myself. 

-Brandolyn

(DA) More and more

My brain and my body have come to an impasse, as they often do.

My body is tired, for many reasons, but my brain feels like I have more time in the day to work.

I have more hours for work, so I'm still searching for work, but at the same time I'm constantly complaining that I don't have enough time to spend with friends and family.

I have yet to figure out how to balance it.

I want to work more and I want to play more. I feel like I can't play as much as I'd like without working more to pay for it.

I guess I'll have to spend some serious mental energy to figure out how to deal with this.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Anxiety in the forest

I had to retreat to my forest again today.

Unfortunately I wasn't in a position to get myself to seclusion, so today my forest was broght, loud and full of activity. Usually I like privacy in my mind forest, but today people were running through the trees, jumping shrubs and hanging from branches, yelling and laughing.

When the water crashed into my chest and started to suffocate me I had nowhere to hide.
I had to suffocate, choke and drown, feeling the pressure pressing on my lungs surrounded by people.

It was tough, but I buckled down and survived the attack.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Asleep in my Mind Forest

Tonight the darkness in the forest is working for me.

Last night it was cold in the darkness, and it sent chills up my spine.
Tonight the air is warm, it envelops me like a blanket.
It's not suffocating or damp. It's comforting.

The darkness is reassuring in it's solidity.
I know morning is far away.

The forest isn't still and silent, instead it buzzes with knowledge.
I need rest, but in my forest I know that even when my eyes close, there will still be much activity in my forest.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Lost in my Mind Forest

Deep in the heart of a wood,
So dense you can smell the stench of rotting leaves,
Light cannot penetrate the canopy above.

I am alone.

It's dark.
It's cold.
The wind can't make it into the trees, but a chill still settles on my skin.
I feel around my pockets for a torch, or a map. But there isn't one.
There never is.

There's a road nearby.
I used it to get here, but it's lost in the dark.
But I can't see it.
I can't feel it.
I don't remember how to continue,
Or how to find it again so I can keep going.

This road is long,
I get lost a lot.
Sometimes the light pokes through the branches of the trees and shows me the path,
And it's not so hard to see where to go,
Other times, when it's dark, I trip over tree roots till I bleed.

I smell iron,
I'm already bleeding.
Damn.

Tonight I have no need to fight the dark,
So I sit and wait for the dawn.


-Brandolyn

(DA) In the depths

Can you understand the fear of being locked in a room?

Bur can you relate to the fear of being locked in a box? Feeling the walls closing in. The heat, the pressure, the panic.

What if the heat, the pain, the pressure and the panic were deep in your chest? Radiating through your chest, to your back and into your spine.

That collapsing pain and fear is often associated with my kind of anxiety attacks. I have no idea what causes them. I haven't found any triggers yet, but every time I cannot escape the fear that this time it isn't JUST a panic attack, THIS time it might be something really bad.

That fear and panic always make it worse.

Pain.

Pressure.

Panic.



It's an awful experience.


-Brandolyn

(DA) A raging storm

Wind may shake the shutters,

Rain may coat the brick, 

And sleet batters the shingles. 

But it isn't until you can hear the wind whistle through the cracks,

or watch the water drip from your ceiling that you know that your foundation is flawed. 

If you let those cracks go unattended the whistles will become bursts, 

the drip will become a flood,

and there will be nothing left to salvage. 

***

If it was as easy to diagnose a problem with your body, as it is to see the flaws in your house, wouldn't you want to fix it? Before the foundation has rotted away, wouldn't you want to know how?

Think about it, and let me know. 

-Brandolyn

(DA) A lonely river

The river that flows gently,
has a thundering current in the freezing depths.
The water pulls, pushes and surges forward,
and no one knows.
Except the fish.

The birds have no idea what lies beneath the reflective surface.
Bugs can't sink beneath the buoyant layers,
and humans see nothing beyond the tranquil peace.

We cannot see the rage of the deep, for the beauty of the surface.

But things are rarely what they seem.

-Brandolyn

(DA) No, seriously. Maximized Living is awesome

Yesterday's post was about Maximized Living and the Preventative Chiropractics that I've recently discovered and how much I like it. But last night I got amazing proof of how much it is working from my husband.

He has also only had 2 chiropractic adjustments, but already he is waking up with shoulders that aren't painfully stiff. However, last night I was really impressed because I was able to get out of bed, go outside to let the dog go the bathroom (at 3:30AM), came back in, got back into bed and Jason didn't even notice.

In the last 6 months I have never known Jason to sleep that well. He's the kind of sleeper who usually wakes up every time I roll over, and last night I was able to get out of bed, go outside and comeback to bed without him noticing- and I'm no ninja.

Let's just say, I'm impressed. And glad Jason's finally able to get a restful night's sleep.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Maximized Living and Preventative Chiropractics

I've been suffering from back pain since I hit puberty.

I thought it was just "life". I've had people and Doctors tell me, "Yeah, that's what happens when you have a large chest." Their cure? "Strengthen your stomach muscles."

So I did. There was a little improvement but not enough to keep me off of pain relievers. (I never lived on pain relievers) but sometimes it would be so bad I couldn't function. The pain has even gotten so severe that I throw up.

Ridiculous. But I had been told "That was to be expected." So I didn't question it.

It isn't until very recently when I started learning about Maximized Living and preventative chiropractics that I learned my pain was caused by subluxations in my spine. Subluxation is a misalignment in your spinal vertebrae.

I had never considered that my back pain might be caused by my spine. It seems silly, but I didn't.

Now that I've started treatment, I've had 2 adjustments, and already I've noticed a HUGE difference. After a long day at work on my feet I'm usually in a lot of pain and reaching for the Advil bottle. Today however, I have barely felt it. I'm sore, but it's nothing I can't handle without medication.

Is this a placebo effect or is it actually working this quickly? Frankly I have no idea. And I don't care.

I feel great! And that's what counts.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Chapter 7, The Woman Returns

Check out the latest chapter for The Woman Returns. 

>>>CLICK HERE<<<

It's very short. So, good for a quick read!

-Brandolyn

(DA) My inner nerd is showing

If you know me at all, you know I'm proud to call myself a nerd.

I love Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Sherlock, Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, LOTRs and the game of Dungeons and Dragons to name a few things. But I always thought that if I wasn't wearing a nerdy shirt, then you'd never know if you just looked at me.

Apparently I was wrong. Or, I work with a man who's psychic. But today (Wearing one of my favourite Doctor Who shirts home from work) I was stopped by a co worker who said,

"I knew it!"

I looked at him quizzically, and asked, "You knew what?"

He looked at my shirt and said, "The first day you worked here I told one of the other guys you were a nerd. He said 'No way!' but I was right!" And he laughed. I chuckled along with him and asked what gave me away. He shrugged and said something to the effect of "I know my kind."

I took out my phone and told him I had a picture he had to see, and he proceeded to shock me again by exclaiming, "Did you have a T.A.R.D.I.S at you wedding?!"

HOW COULD HE HAVE KNOWN THAT!?

Well, I'm proud to be a nerd and apparently I wear it on my sleeves. Love it!

This is just one of many examples I have of being proud of who you are. Live it, love it and be proud of your interests and who you are. Others will see it and love you for it (and for your self honesty) and if they don't then they really aren't worth your time are they?

-Brandolyn

(DA) Almost bed time

Tonight I just want to curl up on my bed; cocooned in my duvet, with a piece of chocolate and fall asleep to a favourite movie.

I've had an exciting, lesson filled day, and now I feel as tough I've absorbed so much knowledge my brain is mush- I remember these kind of days from University. The day was amazing, I learned a lot, and it really wasn't that long, but for whatever reason if I don't keep laughing I'll just burst in to tears.

I'm not sad. Actually, it's the exact opposite, I'm feeling more accomplished and driven than I have in a long time. But all that enthusiasm, accumulated knowledge and effort comes at a cost: I'm tired.

So bring on the chocolate, comfy bed and movie!

-Brandolyn

(DA) The MS Walk 2014

When I was 16 I had a rough year.
I went blind in my right eye and during exams my right hand was so numb I couldn't tell if I was holding my pencil (most of the time, I wasn't. Unless I was looking at my hand, I couldn't keep the pencil in my hand long enough to write a sentence. Try writing a chemistry exam like that... awful.)

I had always complained about shooting pains and had been told by doctors not to worry, it was just 'growing pains'. But after I went blind in my right eye, the doctors started to take me and my pain seriously.
I was diagnosed with the help of doctors at Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children, AKA Sick Kid's.

They diagnosed my current blindness as 'Optic Neuritis', and associated my juvenile paralysis and inflammation of my cerebellum (at the time doctors thought I had meningitis) as Acute Cerebellar Ataxia (I think... that was a long time ago, but this is the term I remember). And those were both warning signs of MS.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't surprised to find out I had a disease. Actually it was a relief to know that the pain I had been feeling and suffering wasn't normal. I was really happy to know that everyone else didn't have to go through that.

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis; a degenerative nerve disorder, I have been blind, paralyzed from the waist down, lost feeling in my hands, feet, legs, arms, had a couple bouts of Bells Palsy that temporarily paralyzed half my face, and most recently lost much of my cognitive function to the point of communicating like a child. Most of my issues have resolved themselves with the help from family, friends and doctors. My brain is high functioning again, if I do say so myself, and I can feel all my limbs. Parts of the bottom of my feel are permanently numb but that hasn't stopped me from doing anything.

In the last couple years I have:
-played paintball competitively
-moved out on my own
-bought a dog and am raising him
-relearned how to bike and roller blade
-ran a 5K race in 29 minutes
-juggled several jobs
-planned my wedding/ got married
-enjoyed my honeymoon (roller coasters, paintball and whitewater rafting included)
-and I write every day

My story is not without its challenges, but my story is a very positive one. I exercise, eat healthy (a mostly dairy free/ gluten free diet), sleep a lot and love life. There are many people whose story is not so positive. My treatment regime, activity level and diet are all making my life wonderful (so are all the glorious people who share it with me), but when I walk in the Super Cities Walk for MS, I'm not walking for myself. I walk for the people who can't. For the people who are struggling with the disease more than myself, more than my family and friends, who need help and support, but don't have it as easily on hand as I do.

When I walk for MS, I walk for everybody else.

If you'd like to, please support me and my team. Join my team and walk for me, or walk for others but whatever you choose to do, let's do it together.

If you want to donate to the cause, PLEASE CLICK HERE

If you want to join my team and walk with us in Richmond Hill on May 4th, PLEASE CLICK HERE and click on JOIN TEAM.

And if you're just looking for some more information about MS CLICK HERE and watch the video. Amanda is one of the girls in the video; she's a volunteer, a friend and another young woman living with MS.

AND if you haven't read my short stories or essays inspired by living with MS and are interested in some reading please check out:
Buttons and Ice cream
A Mother's Instincts
Of Denial, Depression and Death

All of your love and support are greatly appreciated!

-Brandolyn

(DA) Another chapter

I've been learning a lot lately, and meeting lots of new and exciting people. Jason and I even have a new lead for Wash we're loving and I'd love to talk about all of that but I don't seem to be able to manage the concentration at the moment.

My brain is buzzing, but instead of buzzing idea to idea like a bee going flower to flower, my brain is buzzing like a cut electrical wire, misfiring information everywhere. It's hard to sleep when my mind wanders like this, but at least I have a lot of ideas for writing (I'm just not able to complete them at the moment.)

So until I can make sense of the meandering of my busy brain, here's another chapter for my Sherlock story: The Woman Returns.

FIND CHAPTER 6 HERE<--  

I appreciate your understanding!

-Brandolyn

(DA) It's kinda funny

If I was asked what places I remember from my childhood I would answer; my home, my grandparent's house on Georgian Bay and my parent's squash club. 

My sister and I spent so much time there when we were younger (it probably wasn't THAT much time, but when you're little it feels like it). We loved it! We knew everyone and got special privileges; like getting to play hide and seek in the towel racks behind the main counter, and teasing the older patrons. Like I said, we loved it. 

But when I was growing up and hitting that awkward pseudo rebellious stage and my parents were trying to get me hooked on squash too, I started to dislike it. I spent years at home playing games, or watching TV while my parents continued to go out to the squash club. 

I look back on that and laugh. 

Now I'm one of the managers at a squash club. I play singles and doubles squash, am married to a squash player AND today I spent 4 hours watching tournament games 'just because I felt like it'. 

Imagine all that time I could have spent enjoying the game of squash if I hadn't been so silly and rebelled against the idea of squash as a young teen. But, sometimes you have to make bad decisions in order to learn what you missed so you can make a better decision in the future. 

Now, I'll try almost any sport that's put in front of me!

-Brandolyn

(DA) There's nothing like learning something new

There's something to be said for constant learning.

I feel like I've conquered a mountain every time I add something to my quiver of "I can ..." or "I know ..." It's a wonderful feeling to learn, even a small new task; like how to mix a new drink, or how to cook a new meal, even what the name for a '&' is (By the way, that's an ampersand- learn something?)

I used to have one of those "Fact A Day" calendars, and I loved it. I think it was actually a "CAT Fact a Day Calendar" that taught you things like: A group of cats is called a "Clowder" or a cat can be 'right-pawed' or 'left-pawed' or even that a cat has 230 bones. I loved that calendar because I would start off my day with a new bit of knowledge. The mental stimulation I got from that Fact A Day calendar was like a little shot of redbull.

So when I feel like I'm not learning in my day to day life, or at work, I seek new challenges. I've learned how to do inventory for a bar, how to schedule staff, how to cash out tills, how to properly hem pants, how to make a hat, how to operate a spot light, how to cook many new meals and definitely one of the biggest undertakings is how to raise a dog.

Dog training has had a huge learning curve. My dog is a year and a half, and I've had him and been working on his training for 1 year and 4 months, and I'm STILL learning. I love it. Some days the dog tests my patience (like today when he wouldn't pee in the rain, but had to go and would just whine at the door, but not pee when we got outside), but I learn from that too. I learn that the more stressed and persistent I get, the more uncomfortable he gets. He's not trying to be a bad dog, he's just uncomfortable, and inexperienced at peeing in a torrential downpour, standing in mud, beside a freezing cold owner. I had to learn to be patient, despite my uncomfort, calm and encouraging.

If you can, try to learn something everyday. Or, when you're feeling down, google something new and see how you feel after learning a new fact, or task!

Let me know what you learn and how you feel.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Tossing and Turning

I often have amazing dreams. They are vivid and imaginative, some times they are terrifying because they feel and look so real that I believe them. Some of my dreams have inspired parts of my novels and short stories.

Last night was different.

I spent last night tossing and turning. The dreams were still vivid, but I was aware enough to know they were dreams. I've heard that dreams are subconscious compilations of 7 items from your day, and if that is true, then it must have picked 7 things I had worried about yesterday. The result was that I spent the whole night trying to resolve the 7 issues.

The result of that was a restless night's sleep, BUT I also came out of it with solutions to at least 5 of my problems.

I think that's worth it, at least this time.

-Brandolyn

(DA) Indulging in some 'retro'

What I mean is that I am currently re-watching episodes from my childhood; Young Hercules.

This show stars a young Ryan Gosling, Dean O'Gorman Chris Conrad and Jodie Rimmer.

Source

Ryan Gosling was made popular by his main role in "The Notebook" and Dean O'Gorman plays one of the young dwarfs in The Hobbit Trilogy; Fili.

Now understand that I know exactly how bad the graphics are in this show. The effects are outdated and repetitive, the acting is mediocre, and the story line is predictable but I am LOVING it! This show has remarkably good values AND it is inclusive (before being Politically Correct was a widespread and accepted ideal).

I used to watch this show on Saturday mornings with my sister. Young Hercules was made in 1998-1999 and we would wake up, squish into the same chair (we were once small enough that we fit in the same chair) and watch Young Hercules, Mighty Morphing Power Rangers, Xena and Sinbad.

We loved these shows about heroes and re-watching these episodes is bringing my mind back to that time. Relaxing me into a very childish state of mind; something I think is underrated, especially after a tough day when you've forgotten who you used to be.

-Brandolyn

(DA) The Ripley's Aquarium

"My skin is the only thing keeping me from being everywhere at once."

-Prince Henry of France 'Ever After'

I often find myself feeling as though I'm seconds away from exploding into tiny pieces, so that I can experience every single moment of an overwhelming event. One of these events happened a few days ago while enjoying the experience of the Toronto Ripley's Aquarium for a friend's birthday. 

The aquarium as a whole was mesmerizing and intriguing. I was surprised at the facts that were provided for the visitors. It wasn't just educational information, no, in fact there were graphic pictures of sharks suffering from shark fining (and other damages inflicted upon aquatic life caused by humans) intended to educate visitors about serious issues. I guess they can get away with it because it's a "Ripley's" location. Most aquariums would skim the surface of animal cruelty, while the Ripley's Aquarium put it out there to be seen.

However, the moment that I wanted to dissolve into was at one of the first fish tanks. It was a large cylindrical tank, and a couple stories tall. It had tall kelp, and fish that swayed in the water. Every few seconds the water would surge, like a wave, with a big pulsing crash. 

And I loved it. 

The moment was beautiful, rhythmic and perfect. Even surrounded by all the marine life and the crowds, I felt alone and at peace. 

In that room, in that moment, with the swaying kelp, the fish that glittered in the water, and the crash of the water as it pulsed against the rocks, I would have happily let my body dissolve into the water to experience every movement and pulsing wave; if only my skin hadn't gotten in the way. 

-Brandolyn

I will take the feeling of that memory with me, and hopefully it will help me be at peace when I feel very far away from it.