On October 27th 2017, just after 2330, my maternal grandmother passed away.
Margaret Harron was a strong and inspiring woman, who led our family with love, laughter, kindness and a whole lot of sass. She lived to the age of 95, and passed away after a day surrounded by loved ones, under the watchful care of her daughters.
Her life was blessed with 3 children- now grown; my uncle John, my aunt Diane and my mother Carrol. Her children brought 5 grand children into her life; my cousins Brendan and Cedric, myself and my sister Jessica and the youngest cousin- albeit still a grown man- Tristan. From her grandchildren, Margaret was further blessed with two beautiful great grand-daughters; Bentlee and Jojo.
Although her passing was sudden, I take comfort in the beauty surrounding it:
On short notice, our family was able to come from across the country to sit at her bedside and send her off with love and laughter.
Throughout our visits, Grandma- who is quite deaf- kept asking if we could hear Opera music. We couldn't, but were glad she did, she seemed to enjoy it.
And my sister made me aware of this beautiful fact- After being separated from her husband for so many years; Tom Harron passed away while their children were in their late teens, they will finally be reunited in heaven for their diamond anniversary.
It's beautiful to imagine that while we were sitting around my grandmother's bed, an ethereal orchestra played an opera to guide her through the pearly gates to my grandfather who has been waiting patiently for their reunion.
I love you Grandma.
You were one Hell of a Matriarch, and our family is lucky to have learned so much from you.
-Brandy
Saturday, 28 October 2017
Thursday, 11 August 2016
About a Shirtless Man and a Sneeze
Oh, and there was a carrot.
Ready for this story??
Honestly, it could have only happened to me.
So, to begin, I need you to understand my level of laziness some days. I finished work at one job, biked home, walked the dog, and had to go to my next job. I was tired, and didn't want to put on my bike helmet (and therefore have to redo my pony tail- again-) so I decided to walk to my second job.
So my trip turned into a 15 minute walk, instead of a 4 minute bike ride.
As I left the house I realized I wanted a snack, and in the absence of an apple, I grabbed a carrot- a full sized carrot.
I'm walking to work eating my giant carrot- just like Bugs Bunny- when I realize there is a guy without a shirt on walking on the sidewalk toward me. Well, this will look silly. Oh well. Yum, this carrot is tasty. I think to myself.
I continue walking, and the shirtless man is still approaching. Now I can see his tan lines and the fact that he is reasonably well muscled. I look at my carrot. Damn, this is kind of embarrassing, and there's still too much carrot to hide. Oh well, at least he might think I'm healthy.
I continue walking, and mowing down on my carrot. Maybe I can finish it fast, before I pass him.
But this is when I realize, I have to sneeze.
OH GOD, NO. I think. (And yes, if you've ever had to sneeze while eating a carrot you know EXACTLY what ran through my mind.) The hot, shirtless man is a foot away from me, and I am going to sneeze carrot chunks all over him. oh God, oh God, oh God, no. PLEASE NO.
I look around desperate for a way to bail out, to hide, and aside from jumping into traffic, I have no options. So, as the hot, half naked passes, I hold my breath (and my mouthful of carrot) and PRAY to contain my sneeze.
I do.
The naked man is a foot behind me when I sneeze. And it's just as I imagined it- except no carrot bits stuck to his abs- it was a forceful, loud, disgusting sneeze, and he turned to me in surprise.
I blush and he walks away.
Upon closer (carrot free) inspection, the stranger was not as attractive as my sneeze anticipating self had thought. He was shirtless, tanned and reasonably fit, but still a far reach from Ryan Reynolds- even so, I would have felt badly sneezing chunks of my snack all over the guy.
And all because I didn't want to re-tie my pony tail.
-Brandolyn
Ready for this story??
Honestly, it could have only happened to me.
So, to begin, I need you to understand my level of laziness some days. I finished work at one job, biked home, walked the dog, and had to go to my next job. I was tired, and didn't want to put on my bike helmet (and therefore have to redo my pony tail- again-) so I decided to walk to my second job.
So my trip turned into a 15 minute walk, instead of a 4 minute bike ride.
As I left the house I realized I wanted a snack, and in the absence of an apple, I grabbed a carrot- a full sized carrot.
I'm walking to work eating my giant carrot- just like Bugs Bunny- when I realize there is a guy without a shirt on walking on the sidewalk toward me. Well, this will look silly. Oh well. Yum, this carrot is tasty. I think to myself.
I continue walking, and the shirtless man is still approaching. Now I can see his tan lines and the fact that he is reasonably well muscled. I look at my carrot. Damn, this is kind of embarrassing, and there's still too much carrot to hide. Oh well, at least he might think I'm healthy.
I continue walking, and mowing down on my carrot. Maybe I can finish it fast, before I pass him.
But this is when I realize, I have to sneeze.
OH GOD, NO. I think. (And yes, if you've ever had to sneeze while eating a carrot you know EXACTLY what ran through my mind.) The hot, shirtless man is a foot away from me, and I am going to sneeze carrot chunks all over him. oh God, oh God, oh God, no. PLEASE NO.
I look around desperate for a way to bail out, to hide, and aside from jumping into traffic, I have no options. So, as the hot, half naked passes, I hold my breath (and my mouthful of carrot) and PRAY to contain my sneeze.
I do.
The naked man is a foot behind me when I sneeze. And it's just as I imagined it- except no carrot bits stuck to his abs- it was a forceful, loud, disgusting sneeze, and he turned to me in surprise.
I blush and he walks away.
Upon closer (carrot free) inspection, the stranger was not as attractive as my sneeze anticipating self had thought. He was shirtless, tanned and reasonably fit, but still a far reach from Ryan Reynolds- even so, I would have felt badly sneezing chunks of my snack all over the guy.
And all because I didn't want to re-tie my pony tail.
-Brandolyn
Snipit- The Tower of Arista
"Sometimes I don't know what's real and what isn't." Elaina's forehead creased as she looked at her bedroom. The room was cold, as always, but the large four poster bed with its bulging duvets and mass of pillows should have been an inviting sight, but tonight the thought of sleep made her uneasy. She pulled her dressing gown tight around her body and shivered. "I see faces in my dreams..."
"What faces? Do you recognize anyone?" Lilith looked to her Mistress with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. She hadn't remembered anything about her life before she came to Arista, and although Elaina wanted answers, Lilith and most of the Arista staff were afraid of what she might remember.
Lady Elaina shook her head. She raised a hand to her chest in an attempt to calm her pounding heart. "There's one face..." Her hand shook. "... every time I see him I wake up- my heart racing." She looked away from her handmaid, picturing the man who haunted her dreams. "His eyes are wild, and his hair," she paused, "untamed, and red like-" her eyes flicked to the empty fireplace and a shudder ripped through her body. Her skin seared at the thought. It was as if she could feel flames biting at her limbs as she thought of his hair.
"It's okay. You're safe." Lilith traced calming circles on Elaina's back listening patiently.
"I'm afraid Lil, I see him whenever I close my eyes. Who is he?"
Lilith rolled her shoulders back. She wasn't as tall as Lady Elaina, but she was tough, and not afraid of a fight. "Whoever he is my Lady, he cannot get you here." She offered her Mistress a smile, but in her mind there was a low rumbling; her own version of a growl, as she thought I'll make sure of that.
"What faces? Do you recognize anyone?" Lilith looked to her Mistress with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. She hadn't remembered anything about her life before she came to Arista, and although Elaina wanted answers, Lilith and most of the Arista staff were afraid of what she might remember.
Lady Elaina shook her head. She raised a hand to her chest in an attempt to calm her pounding heart. "There's one face..." Her hand shook. "... every time I see him I wake up- my heart racing." She looked away from her handmaid, picturing the man who haunted her dreams. "His eyes are wild, and his hair," she paused, "untamed, and red like-" her eyes flicked to the empty fireplace and a shudder ripped through her body. Her skin seared at the thought. It was as if she could feel flames biting at her limbs as she thought of his hair.
"It's okay. You're safe." Lilith traced calming circles on Elaina's back listening patiently.
"I'm afraid Lil, I see him whenever I close my eyes. Who is he?"
Lilith rolled her shoulders back. She wasn't as tall as Lady Elaina, but she was tough, and not afraid of a fight. "Whoever he is my Lady, he cannot get you here." She offered her Mistress a smile, but in her mind there was a low rumbling; her own version of a growl, as she thought I'll make sure of that.
Wednesday, 6 July 2016
The World I Thought I Knew
I thought I knew a world of sleepless nights and unending prayers.
I thought I knew a world of hope and dreams coming true.
I thought I knew a world with a little boy named Dustin.
I have always had a very active imagination. I can see dragons in the sky, flying overhead with the robins, and am afraid of monsters lurking in dark places. I can even see fairies hiding in flower beds. And, as a very imaginative person, I often have incredible, fantastical dreams- the inspirational for each of my stories came from dreams.
But never have I known one of my dreams to be so agonizing, painful and heart-breakingly convincing.
A few nights ago, I dreamt of waiting. Months of waiting and praying for approval to adopt a little, wide-eyed boy named Dustin. I remember of each prayer, each fit of tears, and of each sleepless night as we- my husband and I- waited for an answer.
I dreamed of meeting that little boy; 4 years old, trying to convince me he was actually 13. I dreamed of holding him and laughing with him, choosing him, and more importantly, being chosen in return.
I dreamed of the congratulatory phone call and how we had to hire a taxi to pick him up because we were too excited and nervous to drive safely.
Then I woke up and Dustin was gone. In the amber light of morning, my world shattered when I realized the perceived months I had spent agonizing over that little boy, were a figment of my imagination.
I cried when I realized: Dustin isn’t here, he was never real.
And yet, I remember him.
I remember the race car pajamas I had bought for him, and how he had a missing front tooth. I remember how he had wanted to call me “Moma”, because although I wasn’t his mother, I was pretty damned close.
I remember it all- not as a dream, filtered by a haze of sleep clouded memory- I can remember the smell of him, the sound of his voice and the weight of him in my arms.
The memory of a night’s fantasy has struck me dumb. Days later, thoughts of him still bring tears to my eyes. How can I have dreamed so vividly that I have imprinted a fiction on my heart?
Monday, 20 July 2015
(DA) Limits
Knowing your body's physical and mental limits is one of the greatest things to learn.
With my MS I have had to learn that a headache, or muscle spasm is much more than a minor discomfort- it's a warning sign. *Danger* you aren't sleeping enough- *Danger* you need to eat more vegetables- *Danger* you forgot to take your vitamins... etc.
But learning to understand my body's limits has helped me in my active lifestyle and in my work life too. I now understand that when I get nauseated, I am under nourished. When I shake on a run or get a headache I am dehydrated and I know that it's time to take a break, get in the shade, or in some air-conditioning, breathe normally and lower my core temperature.
In my work life I have learned what I find stressful, and how to breathe through it. I can feel my pulse when it elevates, I feel the tension in my tongue and have learned how to stand to open my chest and breathe deeply into my diaphragm.
There are still many warning signs that I haven't learned yet, and I'm sure I will continue to develop more as I age but I'm looking forward to that learning curve.
-Brandolyn
Monday, 13 July 2015
(DA) Mudderella
"Life begins just outside of your comfort zone" was written on the back of the shirt of another team racing in Mudderella this past weekend and "You never know your strength until it's tested" was posted at the end of the race.
I found these sentences rang very true.
It's a thrilling feeling to challenge your body, and an even better feeling to challenge your body and come out on top. Every time I step over the starting line of any race my heart thumps, adrenaline pumps and a beast inside is released. "The Beast" is the part of me that loves wind in my hair, thrives on self growth and who lives for a challenge.
My Beast Mode is most common during physical competition; paintball, racing etc. but when it hits I feel like a completely different person; mostly instincts, confidence and guts.
There is a part of me that wishes that my Beast Mode would engage in other aspects of my life, maybe not the instincts only part, but the confidence and guts part for sure. But I'm working on it.
As for the race itself, my favourite part was racing with my mother and sister. I have done this kind of race and obstacle course before and it took a bit of convincing to get them to agree to do it with me. I was nervous that they might not enjoy the experience as much as I do, and was thrilled when I realized I was wrong. They loved it and are looking forward to challenging themselves next year.
-Brandolyn
I found these sentences rang very true.
It's a thrilling feeling to challenge your body, and an even better feeling to challenge your body and come out on top. Every time I step over the starting line of any race my heart thumps, adrenaline pumps and a beast inside is released. "The Beast" is the part of me that loves wind in my hair, thrives on self growth and who lives for a challenge.
My Beast Mode is most common during physical competition; paintball, racing etc. but when it hits I feel like a completely different person; mostly instincts, confidence and guts.
There is a part of me that wishes that my Beast Mode would engage in other aspects of my life, maybe not the instincts only part, but the confidence and guts part for sure. But I'm working on it.
As for the race itself, my favourite part was racing with my mother and sister. I have done this kind of race and obstacle course before and it took a bit of convincing to get them to agree to do it with me. I was nervous that they might not enjoy the experience as much as I do, and was thrilled when I realized I was wrong. They loved it and are looking forward to challenging themselves next year.
-Brandolyn
Monday, 6 July 2015
(DA) Play-xercise
Play-xersice is exactly what it sounds like; or looks like- it's the devil to say aloud!
Today while at my Chiropractic Clinic the woman who runs the workout classes I used to attend commented that I'm looking very fit right now. I thanked her for noticing and went about my day as usual, but the comment made me feel really great.
When Jason got home I told him about her comment and his answer was "That's awesome! Are you working out?"
"Yes." I replied.
"What are you doing?"
"Play-xercise!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. Jason knew exactly what I meant. Play-xercise is the idea of getting a workout and exercise from play. So whenever I take the dog out for a walk, he and I run around jungle gyms, jump over park benches and low walls, I hang off of monkey bars, do cartwheels, run, jump and play with whatever is around me. It's great fun, a good exercise and is easier to wrap your head around than going to the gym for a workout because it's 'fun' and there are no rules. Play-xercise is also a great challenge for the dog because he has to keep up with me and deal with me changing tempo, jumping and hanging from obstacles. It's a slow progression to get him comfortable with some of the things I do- and we've tripped each other before, but we're getting better every day.
Any one who complains that they don't want the pressure of going to the gym should think about play-xercise as an alternative. It's low risk, high reward and as much fun as you want to make it!
-Brandolyn
Today while at my Chiropractic Clinic the woman who runs the workout classes I used to attend commented that I'm looking very fit right now. I thanked her for noticing and went about my day as usual, but the comment made me feel really great.
When Jason got home I told him about her comment and his answer was "That's awesome! Are you working out?"
"Yes." I replied.
"What are you doing?"
"Play-xercise!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. Jason knew exactly what I meant. Play-xercise is the idea of getting a workout and exercise from play. So whenever I take the dog out for a walk, he and I run around jungle gyms, jump over park benches and low walls, I hang off of monkey bars, do cartwheels, run, jump and play with whatever is around me. It's great fun, a good exercise and is easier to wrap your head around than going to the gym for a workout because it's 'fun' and there are no rules. Play-xercise is also a great challenge for the dog because he has to keep up with me and deal with me changing tempo, jumping and hanging from obstacles. It's a slow progression to get him comfortable with some of the things I do- and we've tripped each other before, but we're getting better every day.
Any one who complains that they don't want the pressure of going to the gym should think about play-xercise as an alternative. It's low risk, high reward and as much fun as you want to make it!
-Brandolyn
Monday, 29 June 2015
(DA) Too much bread
One of my favourite lines from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy is from Bilbo Baggins when he admits that he's starting to feel his age. He says, "[...] I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean; like butter that has been scraped over too much bread."
Some people will question this quote as a personal favourite because, let's face it, there are so many wonderful quotes from these books! But what I like about this quote is how easily I can relate to it.
No, I don't feel old. I don't feel sick or feeble, but I know this feeling when I'm tired; when I've pushed myself hard, for too long without a significant break.
I'm feeling that now. I'm not complaining about my MS. No, that's properly in check ;) but I am saying I'm tired.
I've noticed at work that instead of looking forward to my shifts, I'm counting down the minutes until I can clock out. Patrons complaints wear on me more than usual. Random negative interactions with strangers eat at me instead of bouncing off. When my alarm clock chimes in the morning all I want to do is roll over and wait for the weekend- until I realize I work weekends too.
The easiest way to describe 'feeling too thin' is to say 'I need a vacation'. I want time to myself, time to goof off with my husband and time to be with my family.
My vacation is just around the corner, and just in time. And although I will be taking a boat for my vacation, I will not be following Bilbo Baggins' example and going off to the undying lands. I will be away long enough to recharge my batteries and come back home to regular life refreshed and revitalized, and ready for the next adventure!
-Brandolyn
Some people will question this quote as a personal favourite because, let's face it, there are so many wonderful quotes from these books! But what I like about this quote is how easily I can relate to it.
No, I don't feel old. I don't feel sick or feeble, but I know this feeling when I'm tired; when I've pushed myself hard, for too long without a significant break.
I'm feeling that now. I'm not complaining about my MS. No, that's properly in check ;) but I am saying I'm tired.
I've noticed at work that instead of looking forward to my shifts, I'm counting down the minutes until I can clock out. Patrons complaints wear on me more than usual. Random negative interactions with strangers eat at me instead of bouncing off. When my alarm clock chimes in the morning all I want to do is roll over and wait for the weekend- until I realize I work weekends too.
The easiest way to describe 'feeling too thin' is to say 'I need a vacation'. I want time to myself, time to goof off with my husband and time to be with my family.
My vacation is just around the corner, and just in time. And although I will be taking a boat for my vacation, I will not be following Bilbo Baggins' example and going off to the undying lands. I will be away long enough to recharge my batteries and come back home to regular life refreshed and revitalized, and ready for the next adventure!
-Brandolyn
Monday, 22 June 2015
(DA) Fan mail
Yesterday I received my first 'Fan mail' and I couldn't have been more excited.
I have been feeling 'on' with regards to my writing in the last little while. I have finally finished the manuscript for my first novel and am almost through my first round of edits; which makes me feel very accomplished. But, as if finishing my manuscript wasn't enough, I've been dedicating a lot of my time to a new FanFiction story. I posted about it last week because it was new and I had a lot of writing momentum with it, but in one week, it's gotten so much bigger.
My story "Supremely Natural" (which takes place in the universe of the television show 'Supernatural') has had over 800 views from around the world in the past week. I get email alerts when people favourite my work, follow my stories or write reviews about my work, and on Friday I woke up to 21 alerts about my story. It was an incredible feeling to know that people are reading and talking about this story.
But getting Fan Mail was a completely different experience. It was just as exciting, but much more personal. The message was just for me, and no one else. Yesterday, a young woman from the United States messaged me saying that she loved my story and couldn't wait for more and was wondering what I was planning on writing for the next chapters.
I almost jumped up and down I was so excited to hear a positive review from someone who was invested in my story.
I quickly wrote her a message back and thanked her for reaching out. I informed her that I wouldn't give away any spoilers, but that I hope she likes what I publish next.
Since then I have received 5 more messages from her. But there was one message that stands out above the others. It impressed me the most because she mentioned that she really enjoys how I structured the story. [I was floored.] I had spent a lot of time on the structure of the story- planning each chapter to center around a major plot point in each season of the show- but I never imagined someone would actually notice it, let alone notice and tell me that they loved it!
It's an amazing feeling to get a little bit of recognition for the effort I put into these stories. FanFiction for me means that I build a story inside a preexisting story, and I have to weave my story around predetermined events, which is a very interesting -and at times horribly frustrating- task.
-Brandolyn
Check out the progress I've made with 'Supremely Natural' since last week >>>HERE<<<
I have been feeling 'on' with regards to my writing in the last little while. I have finally finished the manuscript for my first novel and am almost through my first round of edits; which makes me feel very accomplished. But, as if finishing my manuscript wasn't enough, I've been dedicating a lot of my time to a new FanFiction story. I posted about it last week because it was new and I had a lot of writing momentum with it, but in one week, it's gotten so much bigger.
My story "Supremely Natural" (which takes place in the universe of the television show 'Supernatural') has had over 800 views from around the world in the past week. I get email alerts when people favourite my work, follow my stories or write reviews about my work, and on Friday I woke up to 21 alerts about my story. It was an incredible feeling to know that people are reading and talking about this story.
But getting Fan Mail was a completely different experience. It was just as exciting, but much more personal. The message was just for me, and no one else. Yesterday, a young woman from the United States messaged me saying that she loved my story and couldn't wait for more and was wondering what I was planning on writing for the next chapters.
I almost jumped up and down I was so excited to hear a positive review from someone who was invested in my story.
I quickly wrote her a message back and thanked her for reaching out. I informed her that I wouldn't give away any spoilers, but that I hope she likes what I publish next.
Since then I have received 5 more messages from her. But there was one message that stands out above the others. It impressed me the most because she mentioned that she really enjoys how I structured the story. [I was floored.] I had spent a lot of time on the structure of the story- planning each chapter to center around a major plot point in each season of the show- but I never imagined someone would actually notice it, let alone notice and tell me that they loved it!
It's an amazing feeling to get a little bit of recognition for the effort I put into these stories. FanFiction for me means that I build a story inside a preexisting story, and I have to weave my story around predetermined events, which is a very interesting -and at times horribly frustrating- task.
-Brandolyn
Check out the progress I've made with 'Supremely Natural' since last week >>>HERE<<<
Monday, 15 June 2015
New FanFiction
On a lighter note, I've been working on a new FanFiction in the Supernatural universe that I'm quite excited about. Feel free to check it out >>>HERE<<<
This has consumed much of my attention for the past few days.
Hope you enjoy. Feel free to review, favourite and follow for updates!
-Brandolyn
This has consumed much of my attention for the past few days.
Hope you enjoy. Feel free to review, favourite and follow for updates!
-Brandolyn
(DA) Bitter-sweet
Today was a day that can only be described as 'bitter-sweet'.
This winter the world lost a beautiful soul after a long time battling Depression. Nel was a classmate of mine in University. She was a classmate, fellow cast member, director and friend. She inspired me to write, create, act and be as genuinely myself as possible.
She was an advocate for the underdog and a voice for those who were unheard. Her light went out in January and the people who loved her have been waiting until the spring (she loved the spring) to honour her and celebrate her life. I, along with many other people, have been looking forward to this day for several months.
I was excited to celebrate her life today, and yet in the same heart beat, I am devastated that we had to.
Your light will continue to shine down on us from the stars Nel. Shine on with the knowledge that you will be remembered fondly.
-Brandolyn
This winter the world lost a beautiful soul after a long time battling Depression. Nel was a classmate of mine in University. She was a classmate, fellow cast member, director and friend. She inspired me to write, create, act and be as genuinely myself as possible.
She was an advocate for the underdog and a voice for those who were unheard. Her light went out in January and the people who loved her have been waiting until the spring (she loved the spring) to honour her and celebrate her life. I, along with many other people, have been looking forward to this day for several months.
I was excited to celebrate her life today, and yet in the same heart beat, I am devastated that we had to.
Your light will continue to shine down on us from the stars Nel. Shine on with the knowledge that you will be remembered fondly.
-Brandolyn
Monday, 8 June 2015
(DA) Mistreatment of Women
The media is full of stories of women being mistreated in the workplace, at home or in public, or just mistreated in general, but it isn't until you start talking to people that it becomes clear that these are much more than stories. Women and girls are constantly being mistreated and it's not something that's only happening across the world. It's happening in our homes, our parks, our places of work and even with people we think we should trust.
These are a handful of my own experiences in THIS PAST MONTH alone.
-At work I've had people ignore me, and ask to see my manager (I am the manager) when I tell them the answer to their questions. I have witnessed male employees reply with the same answer I gave and watched as patrons accepted their word instead of mine.
-At a wedding recently I had another guest approach me, place his hand on the small of my back and say "I like how you're wearing that dress." He could have been more crass, but I did not give this man permission to touch me, and he seemed taken aback when I reminded him of this fact.
-Someone who works with me tells me to smile for him every time he passes my office. I am working and I do not need to look up from my work to smile at you. He does not ask any of the men to smile for him.
-At one of my places of work, people will come to look over my shoulder at my computer screen and place their hands on my shoulders and massage me, or come up behind me and pinch my sides. One man will even tell me when I've put on weight "Time to go to the gym!". My friends don't pinch me. My friends don't massage me, or touch my shoulders or my hips. Just because you aren't slapping my ass, doesn't mean that you are not harassing me.
The list goes on and on and started before high school. And most of my girl friends have the same or similar stories. People calling them "Sugar, or Princess at work, making sexist or dirty jokes and saying, "I'm just kidding you're like a sister to me", people getting upset when you tell them your boundaries. "Geeze, don't be such a prude!" "I was only joking." "What's your problem?" "You need to relax" "Are you on your period?" "What, you don't trust me?" I've heard all of these statements and they're ridiculous. If anyone says No or tells someone else to stop, there does not need to be an explanation.
In an effort to confront the topic of misconduct, especially unwanted physical contact I've written a chapter dedicated to it in my latest book. It is a recurring theme in my book, but one chapter deals with unwanted physical contact directly. I set it in a pub because it is easily relate-able to most people. If you haven't been grabbed, slapped or cat called in a bar (good for you) you know someone who has been made very uncomfortable by another person. Everyone knows the story; handsy person blames wandering hands on the alcohol, "But it's just such a nice ass. I bet your lips feel even better..." blah blah blah. But what do on lookers do? Usually, nothing. What do friends do? "Ugh, what a jerk." Is this enough? No, but education is spreading and hopefully one day this will only be a rare occurrence.
My friends are brilliant, and that's why I keep them around. But one of the many ways that my male friends are wonderful is that they are appalled when they hear these stories. My husband is shocked by some of the stories he hears from myself or his sister. They know that this stuff happens, but respect their mothers, sisters and friends. They know what respect means and how it looks. And most of them are confident enough to tell off someone who isn't being respectful. And I couldn't be prouder.
-Brandolyn
These are a handful of my own experiences in THIS PAST MONTH alone.
-At work I've had people ignore me, and ask to see my manager (I am the manager) when I tell them the answer to their questions. I have witnessed male employees reply with the same answer I gave and watched as patrons accepted their word instead of mine.
-At a wedding recently I had another guest approach me, place his hand on the small of my back and say "I like how you're wearing that dress." He could have been more crass, but I did not give this man permission to touch me, and he seemed taken aback when I reminded him of this fact.
-Someone who works with me tells me to smile for him every time he passes my office. I am working and I do not need to look up from my work to smile at you. He does not ask any of the men to smile for him.
-At one of my places of work, people will come to look over my shoulder at my computer screen and place their hands on my shoulders and massage me, or come up behind me and pinch my sides. One man will even tell me when I've put on weight "Time to go to the gym!". My friends don't pinch me. My friends don't massage me, or touch my shoulders or my hips. Just because you aren't slapping my ass, doesn't mean that you are not harassing me.
The list goes on and on and started before high school. And most of my girl friends have the same or similar stories. People calling them "Sugar, or Princess at work, making sexist or dirty jokes and saying, "I'm just kidding you're like a sister to me", people getting upset when you tell them your boundaries. "Geeze, don't be such a prude!" "I was only joking." "What's your problem?" "You need to relax" "Are you on your period?" "What, you don't trust me?" I've heard all of these statements and they're ridiculous. If anyone says No or tells someone else to stop, there does not need to be an explanation.
In an effort to confront the topic of misconduct, especially unwanted physical contact I've written a chapter dedicated to it in my latest book. It is a recurring theme in my book, but one chapter deals with unwanted physical contact directly. I set it in a pub because it is easily relate-able to most people. If you haven't been grabbed, slapped or cat called in a bar (good for you) you know someone who has been made very uncomfortable by another person. Everyone knows the story; handsy person blames wandering hands on the alcohol, "But it's just such a nice ass. I bet your lips feel even better..." blah blah blah. But what do on lookers do? Usually, nothing. What do friends do? "Ugh, what a jerk." Is this enough? No, but education is spreading and hopefully one day this will only be a rare occurrence.
My friends are brilliant, and that's why I keep them around. But one of the many ways that my male friends are wonderful is that they are appalled when they hear these stories. My husband is shocked by some of the stories he hears from myself or his sister. They know that this stuff happens, but respect their mothers, sisters and friends. They know what respect means and how it looks. And most of them are confident enough to tell off someone who isn't being respectful. And I couldn't be prouder.
-Brandolyn
Monday, 1 June 2015
(DA) One of 'those' days
Last week I had what can only be described as 'a-hell-of-a-day'.
I was scheduled to work a shift over lunch and dinner. Usually I like one or the other (lunch or dinner), but I was looking forward to the extra hours that working both would bring.
Unfortunately for me, someone who is not as detail oriented as I am opened the restaurant that morning.
I came in and the patio was a mess, no tables had been cleaned, chairs were dirty and there was garbage on the floor. Fine, I came in early in case I needed to help out. I'll start here. I thought.
Inside the kitchen, empty boxes cluttered surfaces, the coffee station was a mess. There was no clean cutlery and there were dirty dishes on counter tops instead of in the dish-pit. I guess I'll clean this up too.
Then I got the wrong information from a co-worker about the reservations that day and the frustrations went on and on. 2 hours into my shift I was pleading with myself to have the other server sent home so that I could be in control and get everything back in order.
I was dwelling on the other person's over sights so much that I had put myself into a foul mood.
To be honest, I'm not sure what snapped me out of my bad mood. But something did, and I realized I wasn't being myself, instead I had taken on the attitude of many of my co-workers and blamed someone else for problems, whereas I try to solve problems, often before I see them.
So when I realized what I was doing, I went out of my way to help my co-worker and show her easier ways to accomplish tasks, or explained to her why certain things she was doing weren't tolerated.
She seemed glad for the tips and even applied a couple while I was there. The rest of the day went by smoothly- with the exception of one of the most indecisive tables I've ever served, but they were polite so no harm done- and that had absolutely nothing to do with my co-worker.
It's amazing to realize that you can grumble about something all you want, but unless you do anything about it, it's never going to change. So, be that change. I like to be that change, and today, it certainly paid off.
-Brandolyn
I was scheduled to work a shift over lunch and dinner. Usually I like one or the other (lunch or dinner), but I was looking forward to the extra hours that working both would bring.
Unfortunately for me, someone who is not as detail oriented as I am opened the restaurant that morning.
I came in and the patio was a mess, no tables had been cleaned, chairs were dirty and there was garbage on the floor. Fine, I came in early in case I needed to help out. I'll start here. I thought.
Inside the kitchen, empty boxes cluttered surfaces, the coffee station was a mess. There was no clean cutlery and there were dirty dishes on counter tops instead of in the dish-pit. I guess I'll clean this up too.
Then I got the wrong information from a co-worker about the reservations that day and the frustrations went on and on. 2 hours into my shift I was pleading with myself to have the other server sent home so that I could be in control and get everything back in order.
I was dwelling on the other person's over sights so much that I had put myself into a foul mood.
To be honest, I'm not sure what snapped me out of my bad mood. But something did, and I realized I wasn't being myself, instead I had taken on the attitude of many of my co-workers and blamed someone else for problems, whereas I try to solve problems, often before I see them.
So when I realized what I was doing, I went out of my way to help my co-worker and show her easier ways to accomplish tasks, or explained to her why certain things she was doing weren't tolerated.
She seemed glad for the tips and even applied a couple while I was there. The rest of the day went by smoothly- with the exception of one of the most indecisive tables I've ever served, but they were polite so no harm done- and that had absolutely nothing to do with my co-worker.
It's amazing to realize that you can grumble about something all you want, but unless you do anything about it, it's never going to change. So, be that change. I like to be that change, and today, it certainly paid off.
-Brandolyn
Duelling Amateurs is BACK!
Jason, Alex and I are back for another year of "Duelling Amateurs".
This time, because of the demands of our lives, we have decided to publish one (1) Duelling Amateurs post per week (on Mondays). The hope is that this will increase our skill as we work throughout the week to improve our content.
See you all on Mondays!
-Brandolyn
This time, because of the demands of our lives, we have decided to publish one (1) Duelling Amateurs post per week (on Mondays). The hope is that this will increase our skill as we work throughout the week to improve our content.
See you all on Mondays!
-Brandolyn
Sunday, 10 May 2015
Farewell to a Great Man
Opa,I will forever cherish your memory. You left this life for the promise of a better world and I am comforted by that,
When we were introduced you welcomed me with open arms. You were genuinely curious about me and listened to my stories. I know you had reservations about my lack of faith, but that never prevented us from becoming fast friends.
At family functions; especially in the early years of my relationship with Jason, you always found a way to sit with me and talk to me about your faith and about God. I used to refer to this jokingly as being "Opa-blocked". It took me years to realize that being "Opa-blocked" was the highest possible compliment and blessing.
We had so much time together; just you and me, in the midst of crazy family gatherings and I learned so much about you. You taught me about God, your devotion to Him, and how valuable that relationship is. I know you didn't "Opa-block" me to scare me away, or to force your ideas on me, instead you were taking me into your heart and teaching me the most important things to you.
You never laughed at my ignorance of religion, but marveled in my curiosity. You helped teach me about my future family and took me under your wing when I had questions. I'm sure the rest of the family didn't get it, or thought I wasn't really paying attention, and they don't need to get it, because I did and I love you for it.
I loved being "Opa-blocked" and I will miss you forever,
-Brandy
When you have time to look in on us, I hope you will be proud. I love you.
Monday, 20 April 2015
10 Years
10 years ago I was 16.
10 years ago I was a normal teenage kid.
10 years ago I went blind and I lost feeling and motor control in my right side.
10 years ago I had questions but no answers.
10 years ago I was lost.
10 years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
I can't believe that 10 years ago I got my answers. With love and support from family and friends I have found that I have the strength, courage and tenacity to fight, and keep fighting even when I'm down.
MS is a battle; one I wish I could save others from, and it is my hope that by raising money for the MS Walk I will help fund a cure and save others from having to face this battle.
Please sponsor me, and my team. ~Every bit of pocket change helps.~
Thank you all for your continued love and support.
-Brandolyn
MY FUNDRAISING PAGE <= CLICK HERE TO DONATE
Thursday, 12 February 2015
Feels odd
Tonight's the first night I don't have to write a blog post for Dueling Amateurs and it feels "odd".
I bet I keep writing at regular intervals. I'll miss blogging too much if I don't- but unlike tonight- I'll mostly post when I have something interesting to say.
-Brandolyn
I bet I keep writing at regular intervals. I'll miss blogging too much if I don't- but unlike tonight- I'll mostly post when I have something interesting to say.
-Brandolyn
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
(DA) Finish Line
Tonight complete a challenge I set one year ago.
Tonight I complete a goal.
Tonight I cross the finish line.
Duelling Amateurs started February 11th 2014, between myself, my husband Jason and our friend Alex. We wanted to improve our writing and by spending time every day for a year, have definitely accomplished that goal.
I don't think any of us actually posted every single day this past year; I know I had some late posts and missed a couple days all together, but my personal goal was to write every day, not to post every day, and I can comfortably say that I had a pen in my hand, and wrote something every single day for the last 365 days.
I have learned a lot about my own writing style; what is comfortable, what is challenging, what I like to write about, but I'm actually surprised that what I feel I got most out of the challenge was about my fellow writers. I learned so much more about them, how their minds work, and their approach to challenges and conflict. I learned how they express themselves and how they learn and develop.
To Jason and Alex: I struggled many times this year to keep going and to stay focused on why we were doing this, and you both inspired and helped me to keep going. It was an absolute pleasure and I am so grateful to have taken this journey of learning and discovery with you both.
I am blessed to have you two in my life.
Here's to the next adventure!
-Brandolyn
Tonight I complete a goal.
Tonight I cross the finish line.
Duelling Amateurs started February 11th 2014, between myself, my husband Jason and our friend Alex. We wanted to improve our writing and by spending time every day for a year, have definitely accomplished that goal.
I don't think any of us actually posted every single day this past year; I know I had some late posts and missed a couple days all together, but my personal goal was to write every day, not to post every day, and I can comfortably say that I had a pen in my hand, and wrote something every single day for the last 365 days.
I have learned a lot about my own writing style; what is comfortable, what is challenging, what I like to write about, but I'm actually surprised that what I feel I got most out of the challenge was about my fellow writers. I learned so much more about them, how their minds work, and their approach to challenges and conflict. I learned how they express themselves and how they learn and develop.
To Jason and Alex: I struggled many times this year to keep going and to stay focused on why we were doing this, and you both inspired and helped me to keep going. It was an absolute pleasure and I am so grateful to have taken this journey of learning and discovery with you both.
I am blessed to have you two in my life.
Here's to the next adventure!
-Brandolyn
Tuesday, 10 February 2015
(DA) So Close
With the final day of the Duelling Amateurs challenge approaching, I'm finding myself at a crossroad emotionally.
On the one side of the road, I am excited not to have the "Daily Post" looming overhead on days when I don't feel overly creative, but on the other road, I am really going to miss the challenge.
I feel like my blogging hasn't improved very much, but my writing and productivity has skyrocketed. I have never been this close to finishing one of my books or so proud of the quality of my work.
I have doubled the number of short stories I write in a year, and almost completed my manuscript AND been writing reviews for Television and Film.
I'm quite proud of all of the written work I have produced during Duelling Amateurs and I am going to have to be very conscious not to let that productivity slip.
-Brandolyn
Monday, 9 February 2015
(DA) Fairy Tales
I have always had a fondness for Fairy Tales.
I love Disney movies, and stories about princesses and evil witches.
I even wrote a story/ play when I was in grade school that combined every Fairy Tale I could think of.
And when I was young, there was a show called "The 10th Kingdom" that aired an hour at a time on Sunday evenings, and my sister and I would wait all weekend for it to come on. (I still love that show.) We would sit in our grandparent's living room, cuddled on the couch with a warm blanket and one or two of the cats and watch. The 10th Kingdom was a unique show that combined traditional Fairy Tales and unique story elements to create a SUPER FAIRY TALE.
And recently, ABC has created a show called 'ONCE Upon a Time'. Which is very similar in the way that it brings Fairy Tales to the real world and develops wonderfully imaginative story lines for them. An added bonus for me is that on top of being a great show, ONCE has one of the best musical scores on television.
When I'm writing I often have the ONCE scores playing in the background.
THIS is a personal favourite.
And today it seems to be inspiring me to get past the Writer's Block I was struggling with yesterday.
-Brandolyn
I love Disney movies, and stories about princesses and evil witches.
I even wrote a story/ play when I was in grade school that combined every Fairy Tale I could think of.
And when I was young, there was a show called "The 10th Kingdom" that aired an hour at a time on Sunday evenings, and my sister and I would wait all weekend for it to come on. (I still love that show.) We would sit in our grandparent's living room, cuddled on the couch with a warm blanket and one or two of the cats and watch. The 10th Kingdom was a unique show that combined traditional Fairy Tales and unique story elements to create a SUPER FAIRY TALE.
And recently, ABC has created a show called 'ONCE Upon a Time'. Which is very similar in the way that it brings Fairy Tales to the real world and develops wonderfully imaginative story lines for them. An added bonus for me is that on top of being a great show, ONCE has one of the best musical scores on television.
When I'm writing I often have the ONCE scores playing in the background.
THIS is a personal favourite.
And today it seems to be inspiring me to get past the Writer's Block I was struggling with yesterday.
-Brandolyn
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